How not to win an election (Canadian leaders economic debate)

I’ve written about what kind of language politicians should use if they want to win elections. The Canadian party leaders economic debate last night was a text book example of how not to do it.

Here’s the playbook that they were apparently working from:

  • On no account be positive about anything. Rose coloured glasses are actively dangerous when talking about economic issues, because expectations never become reality in this domain.
  • Make sure that you provide all of the details of your economic policies (“Our plan will raise fiscal/tax/payments by 2.3% over 27 months”) but on no account tie them to real people or any aspect of their lives.
  • Compare your policies to those of other parties by first explaining the other party’s plan and THEN explaining why it’s a bad idea. Viewers have long attention spans and are probably taking notes anyway.
  • Make sure that viewers understand the smallest differences between your plan and the competition (“our great plan is 2.3% over 27 months, their appalling plan is only 2.2% and over only 26 months”) — the Mr Rumbold Strategy.
  • If you have a good talking point, make sure you use it at least six times (eight would be better).
  • Talk at the same time as everyone else. This helps viewers hone their cocktail party skills.
  • Make sure to refer to every previous action of the other parties going back to the 1930s. Viewers want to consider track record of the long dead when deciding which party to vote for.
  • Change the names that you call people at random moments — use their surnames for a while and then switch to first names, and then switch back.
  • Make sure that when you’re using talking points, you’re fluent, but when you are going extempore, you use lots of “ums” and “ers” so viewers can easily tell which is which.

And if you want to put on a debate, here some useful tips:

  • Preface the debate with 15 mins of punditry by members of the sponsoring organisation, even if they have no television skills.
  • Make sure that the background is artificial and creates edges around the debate participants. Save electricity by using as little lighting as possible. Use dark colours — after all the economic picture is gloomy.
  • Forbid the “moderator” from doing anything other than reading out the questions.
  • Make sure that all of the microphones are live at all times. On no account put microphone controls where the producer can access them.

I expect that, after the performances of everyone involved last night and in the prep, there will be a huge demand from the U.S. candidates to hire these people away for more large scale campaigns.

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